How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don’t. Lane Moore. 2018. Atria Books. 224 pages. [Source: Public library.]
Random scrolling in the Libby app led me to How to Be Alone, written by comedian, writer, and musician Lane Moore. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but the title caught my attention considering I enjoy my fair share of alone time. How to Be Alone, however, is less about the beauty found in solitude, and more about how the author coped with the physical and psychological isolation she has navigated since her childhood.
In this memoir, Moore shares vignettes of her life that center her connections with other people — or lack thereof. From friendships, to relationships, and her career, she bares a lot in the name of transparency, and it reads a lot like a cautionary tale. The “how-to” aspect of the book was not prominent until the final chapter. The rest, however, did read like a “what not to do,” though I’m not sure that’s what the author intended.
Moore isn’t specific in the book about the nature of what she experienced with her family, but she is clear about its impact on her. And really, the details aren’t the point, how she deals with it is. She took on independence very early, had an emotionally unavailable family, and developed attachment issues. There were a lot of bumps along the way, particularly in how she approached her platonic and romantic relationships. I appreciated her frankness in sharing; she’s candid and reflective, and at times uses hindsight to share why certain choices were detrimental or how they were exactly what she needed at the time.
While How to Be Alone is a humorous book, it’s also incredibly sad. The experiences Moore details at different stages of her life are marked by basic needs insecurity, emotionally abusive relationships, and more. I wish I’d had a better sense of that before diving in. Admittedly, I felt uncomfortable for most of the book, but that’s because it’s her outlining a lot of really shitty things that she had to experience and had to fumble through figuring them out. How to Be Alone is not all doom and gloom, but Moore paints a picture of a miserable coming of age. Things fall into place at different stages, so I did enjoy seeing where she was able to find genuine contentness or progress, such as with her writing and musical careers.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to like this book by the time it ended. I didn’t love the majority of it, because I don’t enjoy other people’s trauma. However, she brings it together in a way that makes me recommend this to others. Moore has a wry sense of humor which allows her to make light of some of the tougher experiences; I didn’t have gut-busting laughs, but I definitely chuckled out loud more than a few times. I also enjoyed this as an audiobook, and she has a few original songs included. If you’re going to pick this up, the audiobook format will be a treat.
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