We Over Me: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship. Devale & Khadeen Ellis. 2023. Rodale Books. 288 pages. [Source: ARC provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.]
To many in the IG/podcast/Youtube streets, Devale and Khadeen Ellis aren’t new faces; their popularity as a millennial couple has grown over the years as they’ve let the general public in on their lives as influencers/entertainers and parents to “four whole boys.” I’ve certainly followed their growth over the years, and was pleasantly surprised by the announcement the couple had written a book. We Over Me is a further look behind the curtain of the couple’s relationship while also presenting the approach they’ve grown into that has allowed them to stay together more than two decades.
We Over Me chronicles the trajectory of Devale and Khadeen’s relationship while incorporating insights from the lessons they learned along the way. Each chapter covers a particular time in their relationship and a challenge they overcame, with alternating perspectives from Devale and Khadeen explaining their thoughts at the time as well as their reflections having seen the other side of the issue. Interspersed are “hot takes” from each, which give pieces of advice that are tangential but connected to each chapter’s focus. With this format, they detail the ups and downs of their partnership, whether related to setting expectations and boundaries for the relationship, weathering financial hardships, navigating the choice to have a family, changing sexual intimacy, and more.
I tend to be leery of books in the advice/self-help genre, so I wanted to read We Over Me with an open mind. I wondered what the Ellises would share in a book that hadn’t already been addressed in their various social media posts and podcast episodes. Having followed them on social media for a few years, I was already aware of some topics from being discussed previously on other platforms. However, it’s clear that their approach to social media is not to hide every low or broadcast every high (at least not in real time). In We Over Me, there were experiences they disclosed about themselves and their families that felt new and particularly vulnerable. I was pleasantly surprised not only with the new depth they were able to offer on topics previously discussed, but also the candor with which they disclosed new information.
One thing the Ellises make clear is that their way isn’t the only way. The lessons they gleaned from their ups and downs are shared as insights that readers can/should apply only as they see fit. In the process, they highlight the many pieces of advice they heard about how to manage their relationship, then either incorporate or reject them based on the needs of their partnership in the modern landscape. I appreciate this attitude – it’s very clear that the values and priorities they place on their own relationship may not work for everyone, and that’s OK. Instead, they present what’s worked for them, hoping that a tidbit here or there might help the next couple, and that’s all they set out to do.
I definitely enjoyed We Over Me and its conversational style. Whether you’re looking for advice on navigating a tough spot in your relationship, trying to prepare yourself for your next partner, or just want to read their thoughts, this is an entertaining and thought-provoking read. Everything they recommend may not fit, but there’s definitely a lot of food for thought. That alone secures my recommendation.
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