Before I Let Go. Kennedy Ryan. 2022. Forever. 400 pages. [Source: Public library.]
Before I Let Go isn’t the first book I’ve read by Kennedy Ryan, but it is absolutely the one that’s solidified her among the authors whose releases I’ll run to. This story of a newly divorced couple finding a new normal is an emotive read that pulls back a curtain on grief and healing.
Yasmen and Josiah Wade thought they’d be forever, and those around them looked to them as a model for a successful relationship. The pair had two beautiful children, a growing restaurant, and were truly seeing their wildest dreams come true in all facets of their life togther. But those dreams became a nightmare after back-to-back losses in their family, causing devastating ripples at home and work. Now, Yasmen and Josiah are forced to navigate coparenting kids who have their own new resentments and fears, running a business that was recently on the brink of collapse, and treading into relationships with other people. To say this was all unimagible is an understatement, but it’s the life they’re adjusting to.
While the idea of a couple divorcing and coparenting isn’t a novel idea, their close proximity due to their professional responsibilities makes theirs a complicated journey. From the outside in, they’re trying to show up as these mature people who can make things close to how they were before their lives were blown apart. However, it’s clear that both are reeling from the pressure of trying to be OK for themselves and trying to seem OK to others. The book is told from both Yasmen and Josiah’s perspectives, though it leans more toward Yasmen. This allows a balance of viewpoints and the reader benefits from insight about how each has tried to process not being partnered with the other.
This is a romance, and the “will they, won’t they” dynamic makes for great tension. Passion was never an issue while they were together, but the boundary of their divorce is tested when they’re constantly around each other. The jealousy that comes from seeing each other move forward drives some of this, especially when there are so many awkward moments between the two and their new partners. At times its slightly comedic, but often it’s uncomfortable and further illustrates the challenges both face.
Before I Let Go is reminiscent of an episode of This is Us, leaving the reader observing intimate and at times gutwrenching moments between a couple and family that has been obliterated and stumbling to pick up the pieces. There is literal and figurative therapy, which allows the characters to dig into the grief that is always bubbling under the surface. I particularly appreciate how she discussed the reluctance of some men to engage in therapy services. It’s clear that Ryan took great care in dealing with the losses and how Yasmen, Josiah, and their kids were impacted in the immediate and long-term. In that regard, this book often doesn’t feel like a romance at all. Instead, the reader is left feeling that there can’t be a “happily ever after,” just something akin to “it’s not as painful for now.” And, given some of the content matter, it errs more into women’s fiction for me. Yasmen finds herself not only dealing with the breakdown of her marriage, the loss of a child, but also issues related to her own friendships, relationship with her teenaged daughter, her purpose vis a vis her business and homelife, etc. She is a story unto herself, but it’s inextricably linked to Josiah.
Before I Let Go absolutely gets a recommendation from me. I couldn’t put it down, no matter how intense the feelings were. It may leave readers a bit emotionally raw, but there’s also some catharsis along with it. This is the first book in the Skyland series, which focuses on the charming neighborhood at the center of the book, and I can’t wait to see what’s next.
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